Who are The Shoals?Edit

The Shoals are a young (hehe) four-piece Indie Rock band from Shitehole Falkirk, Scotland. First formed in early 2017 the band has had its current line-up since December of the same year. This consists of

Calum McIlwraith – Lead Vocal and Guitar - Giver not a taker

Matthew Thompson – Guitar and Backing Vocal - Small and violent

Jack Henderson – Bass and Backing Vocal - Rootin' tootin' auld cunt

Jamie Dingwall – Drums - .- -... ... --- .-.. ..- - .     ... - ..- -..

Each member has different influences that includes bands such as New Order, The Velvet Underground, MUSE, Arctic Monkeys, Death Grips, and Oasis. This creates a very varied sound that has been described as similar to that of Death Grips and Oasis. Their infectious rhythms combined with an electric stage presence combines to create live shows that leave audiences chanting for more (more being Death Grips).

They gig regularly, supporting well known Scottish bands such as Pleasure Heads, Luna the Professor and Petty Thieves. The band has also supported the English indie band Spring King on the opening date of their UK tour and the Irish rockers Fangclub during their 2018 UK tour.

The band’s debut single ‘Contagious Poof’ was released in September 2018 and was followed by ‘Beans’ (no those beans ya junkie bastard) in January of 2019. Their anticipated EP ‘Juvenile’ was released in March of 2019 with a sold-out headline show to boot. Along with this they had living legend Liam Sneddon, the world record holder for largest penis, appear in the cover photo without abusing his status for clout. Good on them.

Controversies Edit

They have been quoted several times as saying "Yes, everyone in the band is completely straight and nobody has a moustache". This however is a complete lie. Proof can be found in Pictures of the band section of the wiki.

A controversy that has yet to take place is one with famous Scottish comedian Brian Limond, better known as Limmy. The controversy first appeared when a fan accused Limond of stealing patter from drummer Jamie Dingwall. The patter in question appeared in Limmy's sketch show during a sketch where a character Limmy is portraying is quoted as saying "I cannae see, I cannae see" which is a classic line that Dingwall says almost everyday as he cannot see.

An on-going controversy is one between the band and the creator of the Star Wars franchise, George Lucas. The dispute at hand is an accusation Lucas had when the band first formed back in early 2017. The accusation was that Calum, Jack, and Jamie sneaked into Lucas' home in San Anselmo, California, U.S while he was in an important business meeting doing important business things (his words not mines) and stole Lucas' full size replica of the Millennium Falcon. He then furthered this accusation and accused that not only did the band steal his ship but that they also flew to the Forest moon of Endor and stole an Ewok and this is what he believes Matthew Thompson is. While these claims sound ridiculous 'The Shoals' have never actually commented on this accusation and a lot of fans have pointed out the fact that Thompson has never actually been seen talking only making high pitched noises and grunts. Thompson is also known as "an incredibly hairy cunt" which only furthers the controversy.

Mcllwraith is commonly debated as his second name is kind of stupid but at the same time kind of sick? It's a very confusing debate that always ends up with people being split. This due to the fact that both the words 'il' (like 'ill') and 'wraith' appear in his name which are both considered pretty sick. However the problems arise once the words are combined and have a 'Mc' added to the front.

A more underground claim is that the character Doc Brown (played by Christopher Lloyd), from the Back to the Future movies, got sick of being in the old western times after the ending of Back to the Future 3 as he had already become the self proclaimed "fastest gun in the west" (no source on this due to Liam Sneddon still existing). After he got sick he hatched a plan to transfer his beloved time machine into a blue Ford Fiesta and come back to the future to join a small indie rock band called 'The Shoals'

Whenever she has the house to herself, Paula Murray likes to have a bath. (Source: Her son)

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From left to right: Jamie Dingwall (canny see), Matthew Thompson (midget), Jack Henderson (haha), Calum McIlwraith (specky)

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